Sure! What I mean is that with Jacob, she has to fully own up to her desires in advance because he needs them to be explained to him; with Samuel, she can be more responsive and in-the-moment because he's naturally dominant and wants to explore this stuff on his own terms. He's also kind of a manic pixie dream dom / mind-reader, and seems to intuitively know what Romy wants before SHE even does. This isn't necessarily realistic, but I think it's important because it allows her to explore this part of herself without judgement or needing to think about how she can explain, intellectualize, and justify her desires. One could even see this as a generational divide, since Jacob has some outdated ideas about female masochism that Samuel doesn't share.
What does it bring up for you? Curious to hear your thoughts!
Sorry coming to this debate very late. In my previous life before the academy, I knew many Romys at major law firms and the federal government who on a daily basis made decisions that affected sometimes the lives of thousands if not millions of people all across the US and now of course the world. Just look at the women around 47. Many of these women sought out the same kinds of experiences as Romy except that for them doing so was a way of dealing with the trauma of the diktats they signed on to daily as executors of policies that they personally would often not agree with. These politically powerful women knew exactly what they were doing but had so compartmentalized their professional, sexual and domestic lives that we’d need a new model of identity to better understanding. Fundamentally it was their way of taking a moral tax on their mostly male partners who expected them to mothers in the house and porn stars in the bedroom. The secret double lives of women in law and government. That’s a script waiting to be written.
"It’s easier to reach new frontiers of vulnerability with someone unburdened by a shared history."
I love this sentence.
ooo I love this! thanks for highlighting the importance of exploring our authentic desires. It's so important.
<3 <3 <3
Now this was real
Loved your post. Really insightful. I wrote a little something on this too, in case you’re interested: https://lostcausesandotherconcerns.substack.com/p/playing-with-shame-babygirl-edition
ooh cool, can’t wait to read!!! ❣️
Could you talk more about what you said here?; ‘he offers Romy an excuse to embrace her desires without taking ownership of them’
Sure! What I mean is that with Jacob, she has to fully own up to her desires in advance because he needs them to be explained to him; with Samuel, she can be more responsive and in-the-moment because he's naturally dominant and wants to explore this stuff on his own terms. He's also kind of a manic pixie dream dom / mind-reader, and seems to intuitively know what Romy wants before SHE even does. This isn't necessarily realistic, but I think it's important because it allows her to explore this part of herself without judgement or needing to think about how she can explain, intellectualize, and justify her desires. One could even see this as a generational divide, since Jacob has some outdated ideas about female masochism that Samuel doesn't share.
What does it bring up for you? Curious to hear your thoughts!
Sorry coming to this debate very late. In my previous life before the academy, I knew many Romys at major law firms and the federal government who on a daily basis made decisions that affected sometimes the lives of thousands if not millions of people all across the US and now of course the world. Just look at the women around 47. Many of these women sought out the same kinds of experiences as Romy except that for them doing so was a way of dealing with the trauma of the diktats they signed on to daily as executors of policies that they personally would often not agree with. These politically powerful women knew exactly what they were doing but had so compartmentalized their professional, sexual and domestic lives that we’d need a new model of identity to better understanding. Fundamentally it was their way of taking a moral tax on their mostly male partners who expected them to mothers in the house and porn stars in the bedroom. The secret double lives of women in law and government. That’s a script waiting to be written.
I am Jacob.
Well he's played by Antonio Banderas, so it could be worse...
Sorry you're going through that, I've been there! Would be curious to hear more about your experience if you're open to sharing