I’ve been thinking a lot about the sensual and the spiritual, and I agree that there’s a longing to reunite the two. But we keep trying to buy our way back to the sacred using the tools of the secular world, and then wonder why nothing quite transforms. Today, we no longer have sacred baths; we have spa packages. Ceremonial plaiting has been replaced by a hair appointment at the salon. I can pay $220 to be wrapped in seaweed and soaked in mud, but what I want is to be bathed in milk and honey by someone who carries a ritual tradition to which I belong. I can schedule a session with a sexological bodyworker and sign the waiver, but what I long for is temple sex in its original, uncommodified form. Not the workshops of the wellness economy, but an erotic rite through which I can offer myself to something larger than my own narrow orbit.
The problem isn’t the services themselves; it’s the absence of lineage. Ritual without ancestry feels performative.
I feel you—and I think this is part of why we get people shilling snake oil /capitalizing on peoples authentic desire for something bigger than themselves. The longing is real, the solutions were sold often aren’t
There’s nothing wrong with the term, but in my own life, labels like “heteroflexible” contributed (among a lot of other cultural factors!) to me taking my own queerness less seriously. Nothing wrong with using it if it resonates, and I imagine there are a lot of people (particularly men) who are more comfortable with that. This is just my experience, because it wasn’t til I got older that I realized compulsory heterosexuality and “safer-feeling” terms like heteroflexible sort of encouraged me to view my desire for women as secondary or less valid than my attraction to men
I think it was mostly comp-het, and the labels gave me a less confrontational path to acknowledge my desires without fully claiming them and the identity shift that comes with it. For me, it was a bit of a cop-out, but that’s not true for everyone—and I imagine the term is actually quite useful for promoting a more healthy sense of masculinity/allowing men to acknowledge same sex desire even if it’s not a huge aspect of their life or sexual identity.
Very well put, I think it can be both these things. We have so many labels but there will still never be enough to cover every person's unique sexual self, even if we start using Kinsey scale numbers instead (which brings up the whole gender aspect and the unfortunate binary nature of many of these labels). So I think the more room for flexibility the better, and that homoflexible is perhaps even more common or useful, but doesn't get judged as encouraging bi-erasure in the same way.
I see an overlapping of three circles: sensual, spiritual and psychedelic. Newer types of ceremonies will be more permissive regarding conscious consenting touch in psychedelic spaces in order to achieve spiritual goals of unifying mind, body and spirit. While not specifically therapeutic, this will ease a lot of suffering.
this (unfortunately): it romanticizes the struggles of situationships—making the familiar ache of a doomed romance feel more noble because it’s the result of societal conditions, not personal failings.
No question re the synthesis of sensual and spiritual -- great stuff. Indeed, it's a synthesis that is as much inward as outward. At least that's my particular angle into the subject matter, as I think that the mystery of our own individuality is bound up with our unique and unrepeatable experiences of sexuality. Anyway, interesting post. Many thanks for sharing...
Sounds like an interesting, highly charged sex year. I say, whatever floats your boat! Go for it... what are we waiting for? It looks like 2026 is going to be a very long year, we might as well have fun !!!
I’m so curious about the femdom prediction. It feels like something cultural might be shifting - where women are claiming sexual agency not just in the “I have and know my boundaries” sense, but in a more directive sense. It almost feels like a shift from protecting autonomy → expressing desire. The move from defensive to emotional leadership feels significant to me! Would love to hear more about what’s driving that prediction for you?
I’ve been thinking a lot about the sensual and the spiritual, and I agree that there’s a longing to reunite the two. But we keep trying to buy our way back to the sacred using the tools of the secular world, and then wonder why nothing quite transforms. Today, we no longer have sacred baths; we have spa packages. Ceremonial plaiting has been replaced by a hair appointment at the salon. I can pay $220 to be wrapped in seaweed and soaked in mud, but what I want is to be bathed in milk and honey by someone who carries a ritual tradition to which I belong. I can schedule a session with a sexological bodyworker and sign the waiver, but what I long for is temple sex in its original, uncommodified form. Not the workshops of the wellness economy, but an erotic rite through which I can offer myself to something larger than my own narrow orbit.
The problem isn’t the services themselves; it’s the absence of lineage. Ritual without ancestry feels performative.
I feel you—and I think this is part of why we get people shilling snake oil /capitalizing on peoples authentic desire for something bigger than themselves. The longing is real, the solutions were sold often aren’t
Would you mind elaborating on why you don't love the term heteroflexible?
There’s nothing wrong with the term, but in my own life, labels like “heteroflexible” contributed (among a lot of other cultural factors!) to me taking my own queerness less seriously. Nothing wrong with using it if it resonates, and I imagine there are a lot of people (particularly men) who are more comfortable with that. This is just my experience, because it wasn’t til I got older that I realized compulsory heterosexuality and “safer-feeling” terms like heteroflexible sort of encouraged me to view my desire for women as secondary or less valid than my attraction to men
Did the labels encourage you or was it the comp-het? Thanks for the reply though much appreciated.
I think it was mostly comp-het, and the labels gave me a less confrontational path to acknowledge my desires without fully claiming them and the identity shift that comes with it. For me, it was a bit of a cop-out, but that’s not true for everyone—and I imagine the term is actually quite useful for promoting a more healthy sense of masculinity/allowing men to acknowledge same sex desire even if it’s not a huge aspect of their life or sexual identity.
How do you feel about it?
Very well put, I think it can be both these things. We have so many labels but there will still never be enough to cover every person's unique sexual self, even if we start using Kinsey scale numbers instead (which brings up the whole gender aspect and the unfortunate binary nature of many of these labels). So I think the more room for flexibility the better, and that homoflexible is perhaps even more common or useful, but doesn't get judged as encouraging bi-erasure in the same way.
I see an overlapping of three circles: sensual, spiritual and psychedelic. Newer types of ceremonies will be more permissive regarding conscious consenting touch in psychedelic spaces in order to achieve spiritual goals of unifying mind, body and spirit. While not specifically therapeutic, this will ease a lot of suffering.
this (unfortunately): it romanticizes the struggles of situationships—making the familiar ache of a doomed romance feel more noble because it’s the result of societal conditions, not personal failings.
No question re the synthesis of sensual and spiritual -- great stuff. Indeed, it's a synthesis that is as much inward as outward. At least that's my particular angle into the subject matter, as I think that the mystery of our own individuality is bound up with our unique and unrepeatable experiences of sexuality. Anyway, interesting post. Many thanks for sharing...
Sounds like an interesting, highly charged sex year. I say, whatever floats your boat! Go for it... what are we waiting for? It looks like 2026 is going to be a very long year, we might as well have fun !!!
I’m so curious about the femdom prediction. It feels like something cultural might be shifting - where women are claiming sexual agency not just in the “I have and know my boundaries” sense, but in a more directive sense. It almost feels like a shift from protecting autonomy → expressing desire. The move from defensive to emotional leadership feels significant to me! Would love to hear more about what’s driving that prediction for you?