i agree with much of this, especially the conclusion, but being a gold digger is not a valid option when you're overcome by heteropessimism smh. same as men using women for sex. dating people you despise for a fleeting benefit hurts your partner, but mostly it's an example of self-betrayal. taking advantage of people "back" is not the solution - boundaries, self-respect and comfort in solitude are, as well as a supportive community (NOT, as you've pointed out, an impersonal information stealing app, which could very well be used by bad actors). even casual sex should be between people who share a baseline level of trust and respect for one another. when that seems impossible, it's best to become voluntarily celibate, with pride and clarity instead of a sense of victimhood. the 4b movement and lesbian separatism got this one right...
Thanks for writing this- I’ve spent some time on the Are We Dating the Same guy pages and it can be both helpful, but also super toxic.
Re: tradwives and stay at home GFs- Framing financial dependence as empowerment makes no sense to me- it feels like a psy-op to get women to stay out of the workplaces, become dependent on their partners, and have a bunch of children with no way to escape if things get bad. I really see the movement that encourages women to extract men’s financial resources in exchange for sex and companionship as a huge step in the wrong direction. What’s safer than making your own money and life, and having the actual power and means to leave if your partner gets violent?
Yeah totally. I'm very interested in how instead of being framed as regressive, tradwifery has been rebranded as next-level girlbossing. It feels to me like the economic pressures are so extreme, and job market so bleak, that getting $$ from men FEELS like hacking the system... because the system is sooo broken. I wrote an essay on this ages ago that I never published, so now maybe I will now!
"Women turned to the Tea app to vet the men they're dating. A new male-oriented competitor, TeaOnHer, shows us why."
Oh I see. It's OK for women to dox men, reveal personal information about them, belittle them and gossip about anything awkward they might have said in confidence, but if men do it to women then there's a major problem. Got it. The hypocrisy is strong here.
Did you read her article? Women are largely concerned about male violence (thus, the Tea app) and men are largely concerned about slut-shaming and misogyny (thus, the gross Tea4her app). She talks about this in the article that, apparently, you did not read.
It's kinda sad, and ironic, that the male population ( in general) had some sort of moral high ground regarding the Tea app,and completely screwed it.
i agree with much of this, especially the conclusion, but being a gold digger is not a valid option when you're overcome by heteropessimism smh. same as men using women for sex. dating people you despise for a fleeting benefit hurts your partner, but mostly it's an example of self-betrayal. taking advantage of people "back" is not the solution - boundaries, self-respect and comfort in solitude are, as well as a supportive community (NOT, as you've pointed out, an impersonal information stealing app, which could very well be used by bad actors). even casual sex should be between people who share a baseline level of trust and respect for one another. when that seems impossible, it's best to become voluntarily celibate, with pride and clarity instead of a sense of victimhood. the 4b movement and lesbian separatism got this one right...
Thanks for writing this- I’ve spent some time on the Are We Dating the Same guy pages and it can be both helpful, but also super toxic.
Re: tradwives and stay at home GFs- Framing financial dependence as empowerment makes no sense to me- it feels like a psy-op to get women to stay out of the workplaces, become dependent on their partners, and have a bunch of children with no way to escape if things get bad. I really see the movement that encourages women to extract men’s financial resources in exchange for sex and companionship as a huge step in the wrong direction. What’s safer than making your own money and life, and having the actual power and means to leave if your partner gets violent?
Yeah totally. I'm very interested in how instead of being framed as regressive, tradwifery has been rebranded as next-level girlbossing. It feels to me like the economic pressures are so extreme, and job market so bleak, that getting $$ from men FEELS like hacking the system... because the system is sooo broken. I wrote an essay on this ages ago that I never published, so now maybe I will now!
In the meantime, you might enjoy my friend Shanti's guest post unpacking these dynamics through the lens of Anora: https://www.pleasure-seeking.com/p/anora-film-review-sean-baker-sex-work-womanhood
Anora is 100% what came to mind. I would be super interested in reading- thanks for the recc as well!
"Women turned to the Tea app to vet the men they're dating. A new male-oriented competitor, TeaOnHer, shows us why."
Oh I see. It's OK for women to dox men, reveal personal information about them, belittle them and gossip about anything awkward they might have said in confidence, but if men do it to women then there's a major problem. Got it. The hypocrisy is strong here.
Did you read her article? Women are largely concerned about male violence (thus, the Tea app) and men are largely concerned about slut-shaming and misogyny (thus, the gross Tea4her app). She talks about this in the article that, apparently, you did not read.
Maybe read on and find out why lmao